:) (Taken with instagram)
Note to Self: Never ever open and start reading a book you’ve been dying to read, at 11 pm, when you need to wake up at 5:30 the next morning. #FiftyShadesofGrey #Bookworm (Taken with instagram)
May 21,2012 11:30 pm
My Dear Sophie,
I think I’m finally awake.
Things happen for a reason… they are meant to happen. If something is supposed to happen, it will… no matter how much we try to ignore it or avoid it or hinder it from happening. Time is not always our friend. Time does not always cooperate with our plans. It’s futile to plan something with strict timelines.. like forgiveness… like love. We plan on forgiving someone someday. Either it never happens or it just suddenly does. We swear on never falling in love again. Either we end up alone and miserable, or we run in a stranger and suddenly, it’s love at first sight. These things we cannot plan.
I never thought I’d ever be able to forgive someone who’d hurt me over and over and over and didn’t even bother apologizing. Today, I woke up and told myself that it’s just not worth it to hold anymore grudges. So I prayed and forgave him. I hope he got something good out of hurting me.
Months ago, I told myself that maybe love isn’t for me… maybe I will grow old alone… maybe that’s the best thing for me. But whenever I see my bestfriend getting excited and planning her future with the man she’s spending the rest of her life with, I can’t help imagining what it would be like for me to be with someone again… to be truly in love be loved again. I’m sure I’m not going to find out in a long time… but I guess, now, I can say that I do want a life with someone… that someday I would like to argue about wallpaper or if the kids could have a dog or not. Shallow realization… but I guess now I understand what my mom meant when she said “you’ll see, that’s not really what you want,” when I told her maybe I will never get married.
*sigh*
I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I think, this time, I’m ready to go through it all over again… only this time, I’m wiser… and I will never let any man hurt me that way ever again.
I Forgive You
For the pain…
For making me feel hate like I’ve never felt it before…
For making me regret giving something a second chance..
For not having the balls to explain to me what I did wrong…
For pushing me away…
For making me feel ugly…
For making me feel like I’m the most terrible person in the world…
For letting me feel sorry for myself…
For being selfish…
For being controlling…
For making me almost give up my life…
For breaking my trust…
For throwing away our friendship…
For breaking my heart… twice.
I forgive you.
I hope hurting me brought you happiness.
